Grace after infertility

Standing in the middle of the Design Center I tell my husband, "I am not in a good head space. " I say with tears in my eyes, "I am not o.k.". I get this way when I am overwhelmed, tired and constantly planning in my mind. This is the first time I have spoken the words out loud to my husband in the midst of going through it. I can go weeks without what I call "high functioning" moments where I am cleaning everything around me, organizing and planning my next move. Just like that I come crashing down with no warning becoming quiet or withdrawing into myself. This time it was different I did not have to work though or suppress how I was feeling. I just had to say, "I am not ok" and we were in the car headed home.

I could not figure out what was driving me to feel this way initially I thought it was because I did not get up early the day before to complete my workout. Instead I spent the entire day running for everyone else and then did my work in the evening. I committed to working out each morning, but I did not this day. I found out quickly in my therapy session this was not the cause of my episode (go figure). As we talked through it, I realized I am so hard on myself some days rerunning events in my mind on how I can improve, commit, change my approach to individuals, parenting, and marital situations. I strive for perfection, to stay in control of every aspect of my life, and not allowing myself rest. My therapist immediately pointed out, “you do not give yourself grace”.

Of course, by this time I was crying and snotting like a three-year-old writing down my next assignment to create a “space for grace” draw a picture or write a description but design it only for you. I am still in the process of completing this assignment, however being transparent and vulnerable with you gives me freedom.

Therapy after Infertility

At the end of 2019, I realized therapy after infertility and adoption was required. Therapy was necessary to become the best individual for myself, to help navigate through my new role as a full time mother and to be a better wife to my husband. Therapy is essential for personal growth, healing after the multiple miscarriages and to regain sense of self. I decided transparency was critical to discover the best version of myself. For so long I thought the self-help books, podcasts, and conferences would be enough unfortunately they were only a start. My blog will be apart of my therapy, sharing the negative, positive and the various methods used to navigate through them. I will share the highs and lows as a wife, adoptive and hybrid parent. I am thankful to take this first step to share this journey with you.

Thanks for joining me on this journey~~~Melvina

Tip:

Journaling turns out to be one of the simplest therapeutic practices with many benefits. Grab an an inexpensive journal and start to document your thoughts, feelings, and stressors. Taking this one action can do a lot to improve your mental health.

5 Benefits of Journaling:

1. Improve your mood

2. Enhance your sense of well-being

3. Lessen symptoms of depression before major events

4. Helps you understand yourself better

5. It brings clarity to your thoughts and feelings